Letters to me...

27 Feb, 2014

Part of me. (Deo mene)

Generalna — Autor amelia @ 17:58

    I came out in the dark. Only one line was separating me from the life I had and will have.     While I was walking on that line the rain poured down on me. And I remembered. I remembered it all. It was clear as the water. I knew what I had and lost for the first time in a long time. 

    I let the rain flow over me. It was relieving. It gave me security, 'cause it all started underneath the rain. 'Cause then I have realised I have found something worth living for and making effort for, and now It all became real, again. I was no longer ignorant. I finally found MYSELF.

    Walking is a life game. While I was going through the dark, I kept going, and I came to hell, but that wasn't enough. I went further. I went deeper. I wanted to suffer for everything I did. So I fell. I fell on my knees. And another rain started to pour. It was my heart. I'm not sure if the tears were red or black. But for the first time in a long time I felt like I was walking on my own. So I stopped.

    Everything that I could remember was him. Not the words, not his smile, or the way he touches me, but him. I finally figured out that he is what I need. No, I don't think he is perfect, ofcourse he is not, but am I? Are you?

    ~ Hi - I said to my Heart.

    ~ Hello - it answered, with a weak voice.

    ~ You lost him, didn't you? 

    ~ No, no I didn't.

    ~ Then, why are you crying? - I asked with doubt.

    ~ Because we lost ourselves.

    Through time, people get used to being together. And having one another. They get used to telling sweet little white lies to one another. They get used to say I LOVE YOU, without sometimes meaning it. But what they are never going to get used to is being without each other.

    People usually say: ''It wasn't the right time.'' ... or... ''It wasn't meant to be.'' ... But what if it was and we didn't know how to BE or use that time? What happens then? Do we accept it? Do we end it? Or can we BE? Can we just BE?

    Words can be hurtful. They just pop out of your mouth, and get into ones soul and sticks there. Why do we have to talk? Why do we have to experience that pain? But on the other hand, that pain teaches us... It makes us learn who we are on the inside and who we want to be later.

    ~ Is it over? - Heart asked.

    ~ What? 

    ~ Our love... 

    ~ No. - I said without a doubt.

    It was a strong power. It lifted us high, and has let us fall very low. But it was, and it is a Strong Power, and powers don't just disappear. They stay with us forever, regardless if they are being used or not.

    ~ Can I go back, and fix what I did? - I asked with tears in my eyes.

    ~ No, no you can't.

    ~ But why? I know I can fix it, I would do it different this time.

    ~ Because everything you did, was because you felt that power. Everything you did, you did because you didn't know how to do it differently, but know, know that you did it only because of love, only because you wanted the best for one another, only because everything you did, and the way you did it was 'cause of the POWER you two shared.


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